Tom Mackin
Hi, I am Tom’s brother, Jim. This past fall, Tom asked me if I would speak at his Memorial. More frightening to me than actually having to do it was the realization that Tom’s time here was becoming short. It did not mean that Tom was ready to give up the courageous fight he had waged for over six years. Tom never gave up at anything. In fact, he was even more determined to soldier on. He said,
“Now that I have crossed 59 years of age, I am determined to stretch it out and reach the big 6-0. After that, all bets will be off. Maybe they are now and I don’t know it. OK by me as I still live one breath, one moment and one day at a time.”
My purpose today is to honor Tom’s wishes and beautify the connection that each of you had with Tom.
After I accepted Tom’s request to talk today, he had two things to say to me about it. Well, he actually had more than two things but just two things at this time. First, he wanted me to wear the Sport Coat he saw me wear when I had a meeting in downtown Seattle last summer. He thought ya’ll(that’s the way Tom and I used to talk in Texas) would be impressed. Number one is done! Secondly, he asked me to try and remember his favorite motto, which is: “I am perfectly happy to be imperfect. I choose humanness and heart centeredness. “ Now, if you believed that Tom had only one favorite motto, then you didn’t know Tom Mackin. More will come up later.
I am five years older than Tom. We grew up in Beaumont, Texas with our two other brothers and three sisters. Tom excelled in all sports in high school and in our backyard where he learned to be fiercely competitive even against bigger and stronger kids. After high school, Tom attended college at the University of Houston. While Tom was still in college he drove to Corpus Christi to help Diane and me pack up and move back to Utah. Tom had put on a few pounds after his athletic high school days. In short, he was kind of fat. I had joined the running craze and I suggested to Tom that we do an out and back run. As we neared the turn around point, I told Tom to turn around and head back and that I would catch up with him. Now, what do you think Tom did with that? When I turned around, Tom was nearly out of sight. He was determined that I would not catch up to him. Being a Mackin, I was determined that I would. I ran as fast as I could, closing ground on him. I knew my only chance was to get close and then sprint at the end. It worked. I blew by him and nipped him at the finish. What a puzzled look he had on his face. That would be the last time I ever beat Tom Mackin in a footrace. From there he took up running and became an elite marathoner.
Tom finished his education at The University of Houston and moved to Seattle where he began his career as a psychotherapist, married Ruth and started a family. Tom and Ruth welcomed two daughters into their family—Julie and Laura. Now Tom found himself living with three females where he was often outvoted but never outmaneuvered.
My daughter, Jamie shared a special connection with Tom as they happily shared the same birthday and unhappily shared the same affliction of kidney stones. They would celebrate or commiserate, depending on which event was going on.
After Tom was diagnosed, he never slowed down. His disease really didn’t know what it was up against. On a visit last summer, I had just barely arrived and we headed out the door with the golf clubs. I was going to caddy for him at the Par 3 course. I had my video camera with me and got a chance to capture that perfect golf swing that never abandoned him. After golf, we went to the soccer field, the one with the artificial turf. We played a few games of Bocce Ball. After that, we were walking to the car and he asked what I wanted to do next. I was worried that he had a one on one game of hoops in mind. How about we rest a bit? I was tired.
Tom accepted several mentors into his life starting with Dan Millman and his Way of the Peaceful Warrior. It was then on to Alan Watts and Eckhart Tolle and others. They all presented the same theme—The Present Moment—The Now. I found a picture of a clock with all the numbers replaced by the word, “Now”. I sent it to Tom and he was delighted. His fascination with “The Now” was manifested by what Tom’s answer would be if you asked him about a current book he was reading, movie he had just seen, or even a round of golf. It was always the best, the greatest. I always wondered how that could be until I realized that he was in the Now, the Present Moment.
A book I read last year and then mailed to Tom was Unbroken. For the last six years that word epitomizes what was going on in the Mackin House. It was not only Tom’s spirit to fight on but also the devotion of Ruth, Julie and Laura that showed that they too had unbroken spirits. They may have bent, but they did not break. For this, they all, Tom, Ruth, Julie, and Laura have my utmost admiration and love.
For Tom, gratitude was an important part of his life. He considered himself a lucky man. Here is something he wrote to me:
“Staying in the game this long has allowed me to have many deep and meaningful talks with all three girls. None of us should have any regret there.”
He goes on to say: “The most essential of the essentials of my life has been my family and my deep devotion to Ruth, Julie and Laura. You know that.”
Finally, I would like to mention meditation. For Tom, meditation was his sword; the source of his courage and strength. At one point Tom told me that he wanted the Memorial to be like a meditation. I have been wondering what Tom would say to me right now if he could. I think he would say, “Right now you are feeling the sorrow of me leaving. Underneath that sorrow is the joy of our memories together. As the sorrow slowly slips away, the joy will emerge. Live simply and joyfully”
What I have learned most from Tom was how to view the world. He taught me to view it with joy, gratitude, compassion, and loving kindness. It is the best lesson I have ever received.
I am going to tell you two ways to continue to connect with Tom. First, hold on to the memories. Don’t let them fade. Tell people about Tom. Talk about Tom. This will bring you joy. Remember him. I will always remember his facial expression when you tell him a joke he likes. He rolls his head and says, “That’s Funny”. Secondly, Visit Tom. I know where he is. He is in that space between thoughts. He has always been there and he still is. Go see him. I know I will.
